Raya Blues

More about raya walaupun raya tak semeriah mana. What is raya to you?

It is to be with mum. Sit with her, minta maaf, tell mutual stories of Ramadhan, tell other stories. Bagi mak duit raya. She can tell me what she wants done and I will do it.

To be with the family. Minta maaf dengan suami. Bersalaman dan cium anak-anak. Berpesan dengan yang baik-baik. Bagi duit raya. Tangkap gambar raya (a must!). Makan yang baik-baik di hari raya.

It is about seeing and meeting people you love and whom you love being around with. A cynic that I am, some maybe family but not one you are fond of. Others may not be family, but you simply enjoy meeting and being with them..

It is not about duit raya (my children insist on visiting their Antie Leli because of her generosity in giving duit raya; which unfortunately made me equally reluctant to visit her. Much to my children's delight, we met her at Antie Timah's place.)

It is not about food. Sesia je puasa sebulan and then make a glutton of yourself on raya.

It is not about forcing oneself to visit anyone when the heart is not into it. Be sincere about it. My arwah PakUda was one of the nicest guy on the planet. We used to visit him without fail every raya. Kalau tak rasa nak pergi visit, tak payah pergi (..?)

It is not about baju raya (I finally came to terms with this. Or have I..?)

ps - And I seriously hate gloomy, despondent, melancholy pre-raya, raya and post-raya moods; like right now.

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The Eve of Eidul Fitr

Is it raya tomorrow? I assume it is..

Nevertheless everything's finally DONE. The last songkok bought. Kasut Eirfan nestled under his bed. All the rendang finished etc etc. We even bought some bunga api to light off tonite. I only need to do some final cleaning.

Raya is so flat (searching for a better word but cant find one) this time around. And raya preparation is basically raya for me - the mad dash around town for the perfect bayu melayu; the sweat to get the food ready; the anxiety that the wajik would turn the way that it should - like mom's.

After eidul fitr solat and seeking forgiveness from everyone and giving duit raya and tangkap gambar (of course), what else is there left of raya? I usually would burrow down with a good book to rest and find peace - at last - after the hectic of Ramadhan and the preparation for raya itself.

Never one to watch tv on raya I find there's not much to do after 1st Syawal. And I am usually among the early ones to turn up at work aftr the festives.

This raya is not much different; we are celebrating raya in Keramat (instead of Bangi) this year. Then we'll travel back to the in-laws.

I wish I am that much happier and in a more celebrating mood. But in actual fact I am burnt out - of raya prep. How much more cynical than that can you be on a raya eve?

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A Ramadhan Doodle

Ramadhan's almost ending. Relief? Sad? Disappointed? Or rejuvenated and inspired? I am having mixed feelings; but it definitely was not better than last year.

Anyway. I did some last minute shopping today. Went to Isetan to get some clothes for Eirfan. I saw a mom with her 4 kids. The children were running around and under the hung clothes, yelling in the store and almost knocking down the fitting room with their antics. The younger one was crying saying 'nak balik..' (what else?) I kept my distance - they remind me too much of my own predicament like maybe 10 years ago. How time flies!

I went home to get dinner ready. Luqman came home today so it is going to be full house. There is lamb briani and keli goreng cili and kari ikan and tauhu sumbat. I even managed to make kueh lopis; the children's favorite. Then Iman text messaged me saying 'I have to do ot today. Wont be able to make it to dinner. OK I thought, 1 down. Later Ilyas called and said I am going with friends for iftar. OK. Kaia came home and announced, I am going out for dinner. Duh? I take these in my stride (my hsband could tell you otherwise, maybe). I wondered too how many times I had disappoint my mum too.

Ah, need not be melancholy - it is raya after all.

Tomorrow is going to be another full day. My sister is coming over and we are going to do some baking together. I plan to do some cleaning too - and re-arranging. It is raya after all.

And I still have a few stuff to get. Songkok. Butang baju melayu. Kasut Eirfan. It is raya after all.

I wonder if I ever make that much preparation for my Ramadhan..

More colorful Ramadhan pix here.

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